What your baby would tell you if she could talk:
1. I have my thumb, you have your caffeine. Enough said.
2. Don't be jealous, but I think I'm in love with the ceiling fan.
3. I know where the remote control is, but it'll cost you.
4. To you, it's just an empty water bottle; to me it's PlayStation 2.
5. Actually, I don't mind sitting in a bathtub that I've peed in.
6. Bang a screwdriver slowly and steadily into your gums. That's what teething feels like.
7. Two words I'd rather not hear from you: rectal thermometer.
8. There's no point in teaching me to say "mama" or "dada." My first word is going to be "dog."
9. I've told you five times what cow says. If you can't remember, I'm not telling you again.
10. There is no question that I can cry longer than you can listen.
11. I'm not just wildly throwing my food. I'm exploring the laws of gravity, estimating mass, and testing wind velocity.
12. If you wanted a good sleeper, you should have gotten a cat.
13. If my bottom is so cute, why is someone always trying to cover it up?
14. What you secretly believe is true: I am much smarter than other babies.
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