You Know You're A SAHM When...

(SAHM- stay at home mom)

you're the only one who can't smell the dirty diapers in the trash.

your new perfume is eau de spit up.

you consider a solo trip to the grocery store quality "me" time.

jammies and no make-up are your daily attire.

you are forced to use the toilet while holding your baby on your lap and with your whining 2 year old watching you and asking constantly when you are finished.

you have conversations with yourself in baby talk.

you wear a shirt because it’s “only” got one stain.

your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

you have no idea what the current hit song is on the radio but you can sing right along with the Wiggles, Blues Clues, Elmo and Dora the explorer.

watching Barney makes you understand why dinosaurs are extinct.

you're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls...and HE hangs up on YOU!

your husband comes home early and you have to fight the urge to get irritated because it messes with your routine.

you have accidentally brushed your teeth with Desitin.

you have caught spit-up in your hand.

you leave for a date with your husband carrying a diaper bag instead of your purse.

you can recite Goodnight Moon and Green Eggs and Ham by heart.

you have shared a fifteen-minute conversation about your baby with a complete stranger at the grocery store.

you forgot your mother-in-law's first name because you now only refer to her as "Grandma."

you consider it a major triumph if you shower by noon.

you find yourself humming the "Rubber Duckie" song in the shower.

you have dressed your baby in whatever is on top of the clean laundry pile.

you cry at Johnson & Johnson commercials.

you can no longer wear black, for fear of massive spit up marks.

you find yourself constantly talking in 3rd person, “Mommy said NO!”

you know more about baby products than the latest trends.

you have had entire conversations centered around poop and pee.

you don’t own a shirt that hasn’t been stained in some way.

you think your baby is the cutest and smartest baby ever, other babies? Not so much

you think nothing of sniffing behinds for the poopie test.

you catch yourself carrying on a play-by-play in the grocery store (”Okay we need a some sour cream. Where’s the fat-free? It looks like they ran out of it again! Rats. I guess we’ll get the low-fat version this time and just not use as much…”) all to realize you’re by yourself for once and chatting with nothing but a dairy case, much to the amusement of your fellow shoppers.

your favorite moments of the day are cuddling up with a sticky, smelly, slimy, oozing, beautiful, precious, soft and wonderful, wiggling baby.

you consider parenting to be the best job in the world.